Another month flew by and I've been lately hooked on watching anime again that I decided to not only finish Haikyu!! (a volleyball anime) but finally got myself to watch My Hero Academia. I have been putting a lot of movies and series on hold mainly because I wish to do fanart at the same time, just like many others do, but I also feel overwhelmed by the fact I feel I suck at doing fanart, especially digital. I want to evolve, but it's kind of difficult since I just somehow end up not doing it, procrastinating kind of. Probably because I don't have my drawing tablet with me in front of the tv. But anyway, I try to find what I like to do so I can feel less awful about myself when doing any kind of creations.
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I've been working and learning to sculpt in clay. Some were a nice creation, some were not so well made. But I am learning what works and what doesn't when sculpting and building up with clay, and then there is my imagination and patience that kinda goes out of the window sometimes. But I still made a few which I want to share. A Monstera leaf plate which was perfect for my cap opener snake. Experimented a little with the glaze with the details. Quite happy with how this turned out. And a cat bowl which our cat ordered since he spills so much around him, so hopefully this works to have him spill less out of the bowl. These drawings below are some of the projects I've made. Some failed, some I no longer wanted to have and most are just an attempt to learn anything that I used to dream of trying. This skull of a fox (I think) is the first sculpture I made in clay. Pretty happy with it and decided to just burn it without glazing it, since I couldn't chose a color and kinda wanted to know how an unglazed clay would look like. Pretty happy with it for my first try in sculpting.
Enjoy this last March drawing. Too tired to write nonsense about whatever. Starting to think over what the hell I want to do, again, for the 1000th time. And I'm hungry.
Happy Valentines to you who celebrate it.
Last year I wrote something in my drawing book; Share your love with someone, may it be a significant other, family or pet(s) or even just yourself. You deserve to treat yourself to something, may it be food, sweets or drinks. And then watch something, sing, dance or create. But there are days when you feel lonely, especially when you lost someone close to you. And it's okay to cry if you need it. Some days you want to be alone and some days you need someone to talk to. It takes time to not get as affected by grief and sadness as the day you lose someone and you should allow yourself to take that time you need to process all your emotion at the same time you try to survive in this fucked up world. Felt like it was time to update an old background I had for my computer for a while. As well for other places like, youtube and my blog.
Bit bitter that the images for youtube banner is cropped off quite a lot and kind of difficult to get a good whole picture visibility without losing to much quality and size. A new year. A new try for a new start. Let's hope we can make this year good for us. Trying out coloring as well finding brushes I like. It's quite challenging when I usually haven't used colors when creating art. Finding colors and mixtures that fits is not easy.
To think 2023 already has flown by so fast and it feels like I barely have gotten anything done this year. However I hope to create and to get myself be more productive this coming year. So let's see if I can keep up with a better routine I've created for myself. Kind of stress making a December post. Made the sketch a while back, but decided to colorize it digitally since I feel I might ruin it if I try to color it with the bad pens I have.
Decided to digitalise this drawing. A sketch I made with the Inktober 2023 prompt Dream. Needed some time off from editing and deciding where and how my website to look like. It's a mind shattering and time consuming thing to do, mainly because I never find myself be satisfied with anything I do with it. Happy Halloween!
Had the thought to do a serie but most likely will not go through with it... Anyway I decided to try out digital painting again since I'm starting to get the hang of the brushes and style, I'm starting to like drawing again. It's been a chaotic month and I'm working on getting myself back on my feet so I can do whatever I wanted, like creating or something. Also been shifting blogplatform again...
And here it is, the end of another year. Now question is: am I going to continue to do this blog thing, or anything social media thing or not...? Because I've been pending back and forth about how crappy one or other thing is not working or that it's being overused or simply not fun to do anymore, such as medias, people, myself. I've been put to the edge for a while now and it's tiring. I need to once again take a step back and find myself, what I want to do and to find if it's worth doing it. But a lot has happened in just these few months. I think this is the first time I've experienced a real heartbreak of losing someone.
To think it would be so painful and long lasting emptiness I would feel of losing a close old friend. I miss when you purr, laying on my chest. I miss having you next to me when sleeping and waking up with your butt next to my face. I miss having someone to talk to that is not a silent ghost. I miss having someone to watch movies with, dance with and simply having someone wait for me by the door, crying to be let in because you're (always) hungry. Time will make the heartbreak more manageable... right? So I have a few ideas and projects I want to do or are currently doing but most of time it is dormant since my interest is going roller coasters every day. But one thing I have thought about is that if you get a chance to try something you perhaps been interesting in but doesn't at the time want to spend money or space for it, if you get a chance to try it, Take That Damned Chance! Because you don't know when the next time you get the chance and if you don't take this chance you won't be able to find out whether you don't like it or if it is something you want to continue with. I have finally started to work with myself to feel and think less about (others) perfection and more about having fun and be happy with what you can get in the moment.
Now I have had my computer for about 2 years or more and I've started try out a little game play recording last year, but didn't go far since a lot of technical stuff didn't work the way I wanted and since you easily compare yourself with others ability to talk and contribute a good video aesthetic you lose your motivation to continue. So that is something important to work with: not looking or comparing yourself to others who have worked for a long time.
Be kind to yourself. I want to try different things from gaming, acting and art that other's already do, but mostly to see if that's really what I want to do. I kind of want to feel like I do exist but at the same time do not want to and I also need to keep it simple so I won't end up with mixed anxiety and depressing feelings when I sometimes end up making it way too difficult for me to handle where professionalism and perfection is so much demanded by others to judge that I lose sight for who I want to be and where I want to go with my life. I need it simple and easy so I won't redo it over and over again, because it's difficult for me to feel satisfied with whatever I do or done already without others opinions and judgement. The "perfectionism" is too much for me to handle. Especially when it's theirs view of perfection and most times feel that they need to judge and downgrade ones creative work. I urge you to be kind at all times, a lot of people cannot handle criticism or judgement from others of their creations they've tried their best with.
So had this weird dream (since I've watched Teen Titans for the last few days) where Raven was "pure" and this is how she kind of looked like.
It was a weird dream since the group in Teen Titans were summoned to the universe of American Dragon, Jake Long show. And that series have I not seen in years. I miss it. |
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May 2024
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